Product review

Following on from the exciting news of Beastfaker's sponsorship from Cif Power Scream, there are a few other products we've been using recently to help us increase our gnarl. You may be asking why when we're clearly a ripped bunch of sick hard crankers already, but bro, you can never have enough gnarl! Here's the low down, enjoy...

Beef Chorizo (Res):

Some call it a superfood, others Mana from heaven - all we know is Beef Chorizo (Res) rocks! With such an extensive list of ingredients as "salivary glands, lymphnodes and fat (cheeks & tongues)" you know this stuff is gonna do wonders for you - it's beast food thats for sure. Whoever thought to put that lot together is an evil GENIUS!

Primus Power Gas:

You need something to cook your tasty and nutritious beef chorizo with right? (Of course you do - with those sort of ingredients you need to cook the hell out of it!) Well why settle for normal gas when you can have extreme gas? Here at Beastfaker, we're always striving to increase the levels of extreme in our daily lives and here's a great way to do it whilst cooking, an ordinarily very tame activity - those Primus boys dont miss a trick do they?!

Colgate Duraphat toothpaste:

When I mentioned to my housemate, who happens to be a dentist, that I felt that I was wasting valuble minutes every day being decidedly non-radical whilst brushing my teeth, she immediately recommended me this stuff - Colgate Duraphat. This stuff gives you a durable ability to latch the phattest of phat slopers whilst effectively cleaning and whitening your canines and molars - multitasking at it's best!